


Unbearable

by InsaneJul



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AIs are Human, Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe, Demisexual Character, Kissing, Mentions of Sex, Multi, Nonbinary Character, freelancers are AIs, fun fun fun all around, memory is the key
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJul/pseuds/InsaneJul
Summary: AU In which the freelancers are all full AIs based off themselves (mostly canonically except you know earlier and without AI) and the AIs are the soldiers. Yorkalina and therefore Delta/Eta. Just based off the idea of, what happens when someone who’s in love with someone else lives in your head? And it hella got away from me. Sorry not sorry





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So to clear up any confusion, YES, Eta is gender neutral, I decided to do that because I technically combined two characters into one and wanted to keep the pronouns. Several more chapters yet to come. Yes, it's going to be painful.

Delta thinks of himself as a rather good sniper. He does not have the temperament or the physical strength to run into battle, but his careful planning, analytic nature, and detachment allow him to be deadly in battle nonetheless. Many of his fellow freelancers are built to attack: Sigma, the clever one; Epsilon, the wrecker; Omega, the berserker; Eta, the monarch of hand-to-hand; Gamma, master of dirty fighting. But he sits out of the action and destroys from a safe distance. He plans and advises his teammates. They trust him. 

They should not have trusted him. He was compromised. He had been ever since the AI experimentation began. Delta would not tell anyone, but his AI was strong, stronger than he expected. The AIs were complete, and Delta was the only one to voice that maybe it would be difficult to function with two full personalities sharing a mind, but no one listened. Many of the others were simply too interested in enhancing their own power. The Director insisted it was possible, and everyone went along, and Delta was the first to be implanted. He received the AI designated as New York. 

New York insisted on being called York, which Delta obliged to, though he knew from York's memories that his real name was Sean. Neither were really allowed to acknowledge that history, and to be honest, Delta wished he could avoid the man's past altogether. York was a trained soldier, like him, but he was not a sniper. He had been a gunman, a hand-to-hand fighter, and a security specialist. Delta remembered a life as a thief before a life as a soldier. York did not want to return to, but also did not regret that life. Delta was not told, but discovered through conversations with the others who were implanted, that these soldiers had all been trained together. That was why they were part of the same team. It would help them coordinate, they said. It did not. 

Eta's pairing was interesting too. They were the master of hand-to-hand combat, so it wasn't surprising they were paired with another martial artist, a former agent called Carolina. She was tough and determined, and Eta seemed to like her well enough. Some of the less progressive scientists on board wanted to study Eta's change in gender expression due to having a female AI, but Eta refused. They liked who they were perfectly well, and coexisted with Carolina without needing to change that. They were, due to this, shy and reserved, and had many issues with the scientists wanting to implant them because of their bipolar disorder. But the program was strong, and talked to Eta's doctors, and Carolina was implanted. The scientists would argue with Eta's psychiatrist that Carolina was even helping them. Of course, that was nowhere near objective. Eta simply managed to handle everything, as they had, being quiet and working hard and dealing with their mood swings. Delta liked Eta just fine, before implantation. They had been friends. 

All of their relationships shifted a little after implantation, and yes, they did grow a bit closer due to the closeness of the AI. But it was the relationship between Eta and Delta that changed the most, and no one noticed, not for a long time. After York, Delta realized he was thinking of Eta often, and couldn't figure out why. And then he realized it wasn't really Eta he couldn't get out of his head, but their AI; the woman who lived with them, Carolina. He couldn't figure out why that was, either, so he just ignored the thoughts, the wondering...but it wouldn't stop. He realized after a while it wasn't him but York that was thinking about them so often, and chided him most every time it came up, but he wouldn't stop. The thoughts only became more frequent, the feelings stronger. Delta had always been somewhat sociopathic, though high-functioning, and he couldn't identify, much less deal with, the emotions York was experiencing. He only repressed them and fought them and ignored them to the best of his ability, and York struggled to keep them away from Delta, but it was a losing battle they were both fighting. 

It grew more and more difficult for Delta to be around Eta, who, infuriatingly enough, seemed unaffected by him, when their mere presence made his heart rate increase exponentially. He couldn't quite speak to them coherently. He could barely even think clearly. York was too wrapped up in them, in the _her_ behind them, and it was suffocating. For the first time in his life, Delta _wanted_ , and he wanted them so badly he could hardly breathe. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides to prevent from touching them, he could barely keep eye contact, he wanted so much to kiss them, push them against the wall and kiss them hard and eradicate this horrible need that wouldn't go away, pulsing in his blood. York made it impossible. Delta asked him, finally, why. What he was feeling and why he felt it so deeply and York apologized profusely but he couldn't stop it. 

York had trained with Carolina, just like the other AI, but she'd been different. He met her briefly before they began as soldiers, and he'd thought she was beautiful; then he grew closer to her in training, and fell for her. He'd been in love with Carolina almost the whole time he'd been in the squad, but she never felt the same, and he'd buried it. Delta asked why the hell he hadn't said something sooner and York had only hoped that no longer having a body or seeing her again would make those feelings go away. But they hadn't, no, he knew she was there and he still loved her, still needed her. Delta was forced to carry the weight of a lost, unrequited love, and York couldn't take it away, much as he tried. The two were friends, and could coexist, but this thing, this thing was so much. York tried so hard, but was painfully aware of the torture he inflicted on the sniper. Delta had to bear it as best he could, and they bore it together. 

It was only a matter of time before they broke, though, and it occurred in the middle of the night. Delta had been up strategizing, and found that Eta had been staying up late training. They passed by him in the locker room as he was packing up, and smiled, and his chest _ached_. He couldn't help but watch as they changed out of their armor. He tried to turn away but he found he really couldn't, and fought silently with York until Eta spoke. 

"What are you doing up so late?" They asked cheerily, too cheerily for this hour, and Delta smiled weakly at them.

"Just working. Planning out the next mission. How are you?" He bit his tongue, not having meant to ask that. 

They only smiled back. "Training is rough. Carolina keeps me up, wants me to be as good as I can be." At the sound of her name, his heart sped up and _no, no, we can't do this right now. Stop this._ Delta nods, pretending to be satisfied. He turns away again, and after a few minutes, they have finished changing and touch his shoulder. A jolt of electricity goes through him and he realizes suddenly he hasn't let them touch him since York, and that it feels _incredible_. He turns to look at them and their eyes are such a clear, brilliant blue, and they're beautiful but he doesn't want blue does he, he wants...

Green. And as he stares into their eyes they flash bright green and he almost jumps. They blink and lean closer to him, and he doesn't want to do this but he _does_ , and they don't know who's in charge anymore, if it's Delta or York or if it's Eta or Carolina, but it doesn't matter does it, not right now and their lips meet.

Delta has never kissed anyone before but York has and his memories help them know what to do, though none of those memories measure up to _this_ , why the hell does it feel so good, what on earth is happening? He stumbles to stand before them and Eta wraps their arms around his neck and pulls him closer and he makes a sound in the back of his throat he really didn't mean to make, but oh hell this is incredible. Delta or York holds onto their (or her?) waist and pulls them flush against him (them?) and nothing really matters but how close they are and how long he has wanted this, how badly he has wanted this. He can't believe Eta is kissing him back but they are and he has to know why, why they want him, do they want him, does she want him? They break the kiss first and he chases their mouth, leaning down just a bit before straightening up and attempting to look like he hadn't just done that. Their eyes are decidedly green at this moment and he can't stop himself from asking, "Carolina?"

She smiles and says, "Hey," and he is kissing her again before either of them has a chance to think because it's _Carolina_ , he has loved her for so many years and it's not his mouth or his arms, it's not her lips or her body, but it's enough, it's enough when you've had nothing, less than nothing. He breathes out her name again as she breaks away from him, and she mutters, "York, please."

But he's not York, is he? He's still Delta. And he's holding onto—he’s holding onto Eta, and they both realize this and jump apart. "I'm—oh god, Eta, I'm so sorry—" he stammers, trying to regain control, pushing York down but the poor lock-pick is screaming out her name, begging Delta to let him get close to her again, just for a second, please Delta, let me hold her again. Delta realizes he is trembling from the effort of it all and collapses onto his knees, and when he looks up he sees Eta is feeling much the same, pallid and holding onto the bench to stay upright. "I'm so sorry," he manages to gasp out again, "it's not me. It's not—it wasn't me."

"I know," they whisper, their voice weak and broken. "It wasn't me either."

Delta surges to his feet. "Was it Carolina?" Eta trembles and nods, their legs finally giving out and Delta moves forward, catches them before they hit the ground, and Eta's head is resting in the crook of his neck and York appears beside them. "Carolina," he pleads, to Eta, to the air around them. "Carolina, please talk to me."

She doesn't appear, not for several minutes, and Delta has one arm around Eta, whose lips have gone white, and the other wrapped around his middle, the pain so much. Eta breathes, "Please," and Delta echoes it, not sure what they are asking for exactly but in need of respite. 

Carolina, a blue-green apparition, appears beside York, contrasting his golden glow, and says, "What do you want, York?"

York is flabbergasted and can't speak for a minute. "What do I want?" He bites out, finally. "What do I want? You just—you kissed me. That was you, wasn't it? It was me."

She turns away. "So what if I did?"

"Carolina, please, don’t do this to me. I just—why did you—please, tell me what you were thinking."

"You're being ridiculous."

"We just hurt them!" York gestures angrily toward the two shaking freelancers on the floor. "We've hurt them so badly. I know why I've hurt him and I've been trying so hard not to. But what the fuck, what the FUCK did you do to them?"

"It's not about them," she says. 

"BULLSHIT! Carolina. Carolina, listen. I love you. Okay? I love you. I’ve been in love with you since we started training. And Delta has to carry that with him too and he doesn't deserve that and it's because of me and how much I needed you he did this at all. I've fucked him up so much so what, what possessed you to kiss him?"

"Because I wanted you too, jackass!" Carolina shouts, and Eta whimpers, curls up tighter, and Delta holds them closer. He tries to ignore how the proximity still makes him feel. 

York stares at her silently for a moment, then says, “You what?”

She growls and mutters, “I wanted you too.”

His projection seems to brighten suddenly and he drifts toward her. She turns away from him and makes a move as if to disappear and he stops immediately. Eta reaches up and cups Delta’s face, causing him to turn and look down at them, at…her? Carolina faces York again and Eta kisses Delta, pulls him down to them, and he thinks that York has left and is talking to Carolina and he shouldn’t still want this or feel like this but he does and soon his mind is wiped blank as their lips move against his. He thinks he’s kissing Eta, that they are in control this time, that he is in control this time, but if that were true then why are they doing this at all? Maybe he should ask, but if he doesn’t know who’s in control of him, how would they know? All he’s really sure of is the gold and turquoise glow in the corners of his vision and that he absolutely wants to keep doing this. And he’s…never wanted anything like this before.

There’s a crash outside the locker room and York and Carolina disappear as Delta and Eta untangle themselves, and they manage to be on opposite sides of the room when Omega stomps in, grumbling about something having to do with the equipment in the training room as Tex floats near his head, teasing him and telling him he can’t blame the equipment if he’s not as good as he wants to be, but he stops when he sees them in the locker room.

“What are you two doing in here?”

“I was staying up doing planning for the mission, day after tomorrow, remember? I was supposed to run point,” Delta says, and he is impressed by how even his voice sounds, like nothing had happened.

Eta gains the strength to speak too, and adds, “I was staying up training. Carolina likes to work hard.”

“I hear that,” Omega grins, and Tex calls him a big baby, and Delta and Eta rush out of the room once he begins to take off his armor. They don’t look at each other, and when they turn different ways to return to their quarters, they don’t look back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delta and York are still trying to deal with shit, and prepare for their mission soon, bet nothing bad will happen with that. hahaha. ha  
> Also first appearance of Theta, everyone's favorite, 10/10 best AI child, and the Director (who, by the by, is the same.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shortest chapter, not super intense, but there are mentions of suicide in this chapter, for a trigger warning. It's very brief.

That should have been the end of it, Delta thought. York got his closure. He even slept well that night, for the first time in a while. He got his closure, and that should have been the end of it. They woke up at exactly the correct time, got dressed, went to the mess hall to eat, and Eta was already sitting at a table. Delta’s heart constricts in his chest at the sight of them and is suddenly angry, angry like he’s never been, like York just barely remembers having been, and he has to leave the room. He drags himself down the hall, finding a relatively private place and sinks to the floor, dropping his head into his hands. “York,” he gasps, and doesn’t need to finish the thought because the golden hologram has appeared and he’s already apologizing over and over.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish it could just be over too. I wish you didn’t have to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Delta. You should hate me. I deserve it. I’m so sorry,” he stumbles on, and Delta shakes his head through all of it, trying to sift between both of their feelings, but before he can make any headway, a shadow looms over him. He looks up and wishes he hadn’t because Eta has come after him, how did they even notice he was there? 

They kneel down in front of him and ask softly, “Are you alright, Delta?” and he really doesn’t know what to say so he heaves himself up on his feet and tries to smile at them, tries to say without opening his mouth that he’s fine, sure, he’s fine; they stand up with him, and now they are face to face, and he notices they’re much shorter than him, which is wrong, isn’t it…she’s only two inches shorter…it would be so easy to lean down and... _NO_!

Delta pushes past them and manages to say, “I just need breakfast,” leaving Eta confused in the hall. He (literally) bumps into Theta on his way back to the mess hall, and the child beams up at him until he sees Delta’s look (Delta’s not sure what he looks like, but it’s probably haggard and wild and nothing like he usually looks) and backs up a step. 

“Are you okay, Delta? You don’t look good,” the boy says, and a purple hologram appears beside him. 

“Delta? York?” North prompts when he doesn’t answer right away, and Delta sighs, forces a smile, and says, “I’m all right.”

York appears and North gets one glance at the other AI before beginning to say, “You don’t—” and Delta rushes away, calling out that he hasn’t had breakfast yet, and chides York on the way back.

“Does he know?”

York pauses, and Delta feels a rush of memories being accessed, having to stop in the hallway so York can have full concentration on them. “I think…I didn’t tell anyone, but I think he knows.” Delta groans and makes his way back to the mess, managing to force down some breakfast, and avoids both Eta and Theta as best he can for the rest of the day. He tries to focus on preparing for their mission, not thinking about what has happened. York mutters apologies every time it pops back into his head.

The briefing that day was run by Sigma and supported by Delta, who summarized all the numbers and statistics and strategies. He stayed on the opposite side of the table as Eta but cannot stop stealing glances at them. He hopes he isn’t being too obvious, but when the Director calls him aside after the briefing he immediately fears the worst. Despite everything, he cares about York, and he isn’t sure what they’d do to the AI if they knew what he was feeling and thinking. 

“Delta, you did a fine job in the briefing,” the Director says, and York breathes a sigh of relief in the back of Delta’s mind. 

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot,” Delta responds, and it does. His duty has always been important to him—but wouldn’t it have meant more before York? York has never cared as much for duty, but for doing the right thing—for doing what makes him happy—he pushes those thoughts aside and reminds himself he is still Delta and the praise still makes him happy. 

“But, I wanted to ask…” the Director begins, and Delta is on his guard again. “Are you quite alright? You don’t look like yourself.”

Delta freezes, completely lost as to how to answer the question, finding the task of lying to a direct superior a little too much to surmount, so York supplies the answer. “I didn’t sleep well last night, sir. York was…restless.”

The Director nods. “You can always pull him, for a night, if it is necessary.”

Delta manages to repress the shudder that the thought causes him. “That is correct, sir.”

He is dismissed, and almost runs back to his quarters, horrified by the deceit, the pressure, the weight of everyone trying to reach out to him. He cannot give any of them the answer they want. He enters the sort-of bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror, answer enough to why everyone thought something was wrong with him. His eyes looked unfocused and wild, his hair was sticking up in a few places, and his shirt was somewhat wrinkled. Delta attempts to make himself look as much the same as before, while York appears beside him, looking into the mirror so they can truly face each other.

“You should pull me.”

“What?” Delta almost chokes. “Pull you? Why would I do that?”

“I’m not good for you, Delta. Look at you. I could barely hold myself together, and they wanna shove all my problems into someone else? Someone who’s got their own shit to get through? That’s not fair. You can’t—you shouldn’t have to deal with what I have to. You should pull me, and you don’t have to put me back in.”

Delta shakes his head. “No, I won’t do that.”

“Why not?” York pleads, and Delta realizes it never occurred to him that maybe York wants this for himself.

“I’m not…going to help you commit suicide, if that’s what you’re asking— “

“NO! No, that’s not what I meant. I mean I shouldn’t be in a person. I can handle myself back in a computer. I was okay then. You have to take me out. I’ve fucked you up enough already. This won’t just go away, if you pull me, you know— “

“I won’t. You still help me. I still need you. If I get rid of you, they probably won’t let me stay, and…I can’t imagine anywhere else would take me. And York, we don’t know what they’d do to you if I took you out, if I said you were unstable…they might…”

“You really don’t need me.”

“If I take you out, there’s no telling what they’ll decide to do with you—there’s no telling what they’ll decide to do to me, they might pull you and decide I know too much, or— “

“Is that worth feeling like this forever?”

Delta pauses.

“Our lives are certainly worth something.” He lets the conversation drop.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The freelancers go on a mission. It...doesn't go exactly as planned. All freelancers are mentioned in this chapter, and North! Delta makes a somewhat troubling, introspective discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things! Action! Romance?   
> Thanks for reading this far, guys.

Delta was almost grateful for the mission the next day. Though York had an embarrassing history of failing to perform his duties in the field due to Carolina's proximity, Delta felt confident they could handle this mission. They would barely be near Eta, they had a plan, and Delta had, at the very least, a skill in detaching his feelings for his friends while in combat. The pelican flight went smoothly (he sat as far from them as possible) and when they exited the plane the landing was executed perfectly. While his comrades began to attack, he found his safe spot up above and began picking off attackers one by one. Epsilon waved a thank you at the elimination of an enemy behind him. 

Calm, collected, strategizing. Analyzing. This is what Delta was made to do. York remains quiet as they watch the team disarm their enemies, and pull into the building to scout it before everyone enters. Delta takes out some guards quietly and signals the team to enter with caution. It was unnecessary. Epsilon and Sigma head out to find the objective while Delta keeps watch. Theta is guarded by Eta, while doing calculations silently in his little head. Omega and Gamma sweep out to make a perimeter, checking every room for more guards. Delta has a good view, and planned well, and is sure they won’t find any more. There is silence in the entryway as Theta stands and Eta holds him still with a hand on his shoulder. Delta is calm, he is in control. York murmurs a grateful note to Delta for being so strong and protecting him, but Delta doesn’t want to have that conversation right now, so he ignores it. His AI gets the message and shuts up. Eta turns and looks up at the place they know Delta is sitting. He meets their gaze, and, feeling himself blush, looks away immediately. One simple interaction and his heart is pounding again. York mutters that he’s sorry, again, but Delta doesn’t want to hear it. 

Eta is perceptive enough to understand, and turns away from him too. They don’t let up their hold on Theta, the little boy’s safety a priority. They think he shouldn’t be on these missions this often, but they need his mathematical brain to get them through usage of technology they don’t recognize. The radio crackles to life. “Eta, Theta, we need you now,” Epsilon says. 

“Copy. On our way,” Eta responds, and Theta looks up at them, smiling in the brave way he does, and as they take a moment to smile back, they miss movement.

Delta, caught up in the child’s smile and the martial artist’s beauty, doesn’t notice it either.

A shot rings out and hits Eta in the side. They cry out in pain and halfway crumple, as Theta screams. The kid pulls away from them and runs toward the entrance, terrified now. Delta—upon seeing them fall, York and Delta experience a conjunctive jolt of pure fear, and Delta cannot stop himself from rising and screaming their name. York screams, “Carolina!” in his head, and Delta suddenly realizes he has seen many of his teammates get injured and has never had this reaction. 

A gun’s sights train on him, and, full of panic and hatred now, he aims and shoots down all three soldiers sneaking up on Eta and Theta. He drops his gun and jumps down to the ground level, not yet caring that he gave away his position or that he shouldn’t have left it. Theta stops and runs toward him, and he opens his arms to the little boy, who seeks shelter in them. Delta pulls Theta along as he moves toward his injured friend.

Eta is on their knees now, one hand pressed to their right side. Delta sees a lot of red on their light blue armor and his heart skips a beat. Fear washes over him in a wave. He reaches toward them, and when they turn slightly to him, he sees they have another wound on their left shoulder. Blood trickles down their chest plate and he thinks he might faint. They look up at him and say, “Delta. Get Theta to Epsilon and Sigma. Now.”

“But you’re— “

“GO.” 

Theta reaches out toward them, but they pull away from the two and fully rest themselves on the floor. Delta can hardly bear to leave them, but drags Theta along with him as he heads toward Epsilon.

Sigma greets them, and gives Delta a strange look, but says nothing as he ushers the boy towards a computer. Epsilon, however, does not have the same tact. “Delta? What the hell are you doing here? Wasn’t Eta supposed to—” Delta cuts him off with a glance. “Right, uh, sorry.”

“I have to go. You look after Theta. He’s your responsibility now,” Delta says, his voice flat and cold, more emotionless than it’s ever been. Sigma gives him another look, and Epsilon looks doubtful, but they agree. 

Delta dashes back to the entrance, where Eta is still bleeding out. “Eta,” he sighs, and kneels beside them.

“What are you doing back here? I told you to bring them Theta.”

“I did. I came back. Have you radioed for help?”

“No,” they say, and Delta immediately calls the pelican for extraction, medical emergency. “Why are you doing this,” they mutter, voice losing strength, but reaching out and putting a hand on his arm to keep his attention. “Why did you come back? Why did you give away your position? You could’ve compromised everything.”

He stares down at them. “Isn’t it…isn’t it obvious by now?”

They can only glance upwards, confused.

“I…it might be York but it’s not just him. It’s not…anymore. I…I care about you. More than I should. I will handle myself better in the future. I won’t…” They stop him by squeezing his arm and smiling slightly.

“Extraction will be here any minute. Go back to Theta.”

“Not until I know you’re safe,” he insists, and they don’t resist. York is still restless and frightened in the back of his mind, begging Delta to ask if Carolina is all right. Delta doesn't want to give in, or take any more of Eta's strength with the question, but York is so terrified he acquiesces. He brushes Eta's hair off their forehead and whispers, "Carolina..."

Their eyes open, flash green, then close again. "York."

The AI is finally able to relax. She's alright, he thinks, and Delta scolds him, tells him Carolina will make it out but Eta may not and how can he calm down now, after making me love them, you did this to me. York takes all the accusations with grace and just as they are about to fight about this extraction comes and takes Eta away. They do not allow Delta to come with them. They tell him to get the rest of the team, we're moving out, now. 

Delta runs back to call Epsilon, Sigma, and Theta. They have just finished up, but Epsilon is still annoyed to hear they have to leave now. "Who died?" He asks, and Delta is so enraged he can't even face the other man during the whole plane trip. Theta watches him curiously, and once they reach the MOI he follows the sniper into the medical bay to watch for Eta. 

"Delta?" He says quietly. Delta turns to look at the child, and realizes that he ignored what Theta must have been feeling. 

"Oh, Theta, are you all right? I never even asked, I just—you must have been so scared. I'm here," he kneels down and holds the boy close. "I'm here."

Theta holds onto Delta for a few minutes, then says, "I'm okay, Delta. North wants to talk to you now." Delta freezes up, but won't let the kid see he's terrified, so he nods. 

"Can we have a little privacy, Theta?"

"Of course!" Theta smiles, and leaves the room, probably to go find his skateboard, and North appears, face to face with Delta. 

"Is York there?" Is the first thing he asks. York phases into golden existence beside Delta's head. 

"Hi, North."

"York, what have you done?" North asks, but his voice has a cold bite to it. "What. Have you. Done."

York sighs and looks away. "I can't—you can't blame me for this. You can't blame me for my own feelings. They don't just go away. You should know that. You should understand that."

"Look at him," North hisses, gesturing toward Delta. "Look at him. Look what you've done to him. You've broken him and made him feel things he shouldn't. You've made him unstable and he almost compromised the mission because of your damn feelings. We might not be so lucky next time."

"I can't help it!" York shouts. "I can't help loving her. You know I can't. I never could. If I had any control over it, I wouldn't have felt it in the first place. I keep telling Delta to pull me. He won't do it."

North shimmers purple. "He shouldn't have to. You should be able to do your damn job."

"I was a human being!" York is done with this argument, and Delta feels his anger rising. "I was a human being," he continues, trying to stay calm. "I can't just—I can't just change who I am. I can't just stop loving her. If I could, I would. Don't blame me for this."

"Haven't you at least faced the fact that she'll never love you back?"

"She said she did."

North's hologram blinks. "What? You spoke to her?"

"Yes. And she said...she said she wanted me too. I don't know what to do. It should have done something but it didn't. It still wasn't enough. Nothing is enough. I can't stop this. It's too much for both of us. I've fucked him up, North, look at him. I can't help him."

The purple hologram sighs, then says, "I understand. But you need to be careful. If they find out..."

"We've already had this conversation, thanks," York grumbles. North simply tilts his head, then vanishes. 

Delta stares into the medical bay, too distracted by them to pay attention. When a doctor emerges, he immediately approaches her. "Are they going to be okay? Agent Eta?"

She furrows her brows, then says, "Yes. They're going to be all right. They're resting now. We've pulled their AI so they can sleep and the brain can do some healing."

"Carolina," York whispers in the back of Delta's mind, and Delta shoves him further. 

"Can I see them?"

The doctor tilts her head. "For a moment only."

Delta all but runs into the medical bay, and finds Eta half asleep on a cot. They're wrapped in bandages all along the right side, and their left arm is in a sling. They blink slowly, sleepily, but they know he's there. He sits beside them and takes their hand. York asks where they put Carolina and Delta can't stand this anymore and pulls him, puts the chip beside the other one on the table beside Eta. Maybe they can talk that way. He doesn't know. He needs to think uninterrupted. 

"You came to see me so soon?" They mutter, and he looks up to their face. Pale and exhausted, but still...beautiful, to him. How is it that he still feels this? Is it possible that York changed him? Is it possible that he himself has feelings for them? No... that can't be it. 

"Of course," he soothes them, smiling down at their narrow features. "I couldn't stay away." 

They both know this is not a lie or an exaggeration, so they both laugh. Eta's laugh is breathless, and he tightens his grip on their hand. "I'm only allowed to stay for a moment," he tells them. "But I don't want to leave you."

"I'm fine," they murmur. "Go and get some rest." 

Delta is reluctant, but follows their advice, taking York's memory chip and going to his quarters. He dreams of blonde and red hair, blue and green eyes, two fighters, one kind and one rough, one shy and one blunt. He finds he loves them both. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I gave Eta blonde hair, blue eyes, and blue armor to keep with Eta and Iota's color scheme, anyone pick up on that? haha I'm a nerd.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything slowly begins to fall apart, and Delta and Eta are no exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha I miscounted the number of chapters so there are actually 5! It's fine though I'll add the ending soon. More of the other freelancers, and this is literally the chapter that gives it the M rating. I mention sex here, people. Sorry about that

Eta returns to regular duty a few weeks later, still with their arm in a cast. It pains Delta to see it every time, but they seem fine. York reaches for Carolina when they come close enough, and Delta has to make an effort to push him down. The soldier is nothing if not persistent, and the two of them share in his heartbreak. 

This heartache only lasts a short period, because Delta and Eta quickly discover they're even less equipped to ignore their feelings now that they've leaked into their own minds, desire for someone, but God they don't know who. Delta fights it for a good few weeks, refuses to let anyone see the attraction that he can just barely resist, and Eta ignores him as best they can, avoids him. None of the other soldiers even notice. Most of them are falling apart just as they are, and everyone is trying too hard to keep it together. No one is able to agree on who breaks first. 

Sigma punches a wall. Epsilon breaks down into tears during a meal. Omega rips turrets apart in the training room. Gamma sabotages the navigational systems. Theta cowers in a corner, suddenly afraid of everyone but Delta and Eta, who are not violent. Not violent, but struggling to keep it together all the same. Delta forces himself to stay far away from them, but that can only last so long. One day, while escorting Theta to his room, Eta bumps into Delta, who wasn't looking where he was going, fighting with York. They stop and stare at each other for a long moment until Theta says, "Are you guys okay?" and they break out of the trance. Eta takes the boy back and Delta escapes to a hallway far in the corner of the ship, where he is never disturbed when he wants to work. Sure enough, Eta appears about five minutes later. He wonders how the hell they do that. 

"Delta?"

"Yes, Eta?"

"When I was...when you thought I could be dying, you said some things...I thought we shouldn't just leave them. We should...we should address them."

Delta sighs. "I don't really want to talk about this."

"We have to," Eta stands firm. "This is important. We can't fall apart like everyone else. Everything is happening so fast, I just...I need this. I need to understand this."

"I don't understand it myself," Delta admits, standing up to face them. "I don't understand what I'm feeling. I only know..." He trails off, and he can't keep his eyes from wandering down their body. Eta does not flinch. 

"It's Carolina and York. It must be. Right?"

He shrugs at them. "I want to believe that. But I don't, completely."

"You don't?"

"No."

Neither of them knows exactly how it happened, but from here Eta is suddenly pressed against the wall and Delta's body pins them there, his lips on theirs and their hands on his back. The kiss is overheated and passionate, and Delta presses into them harder, deepens the kiss, desperately trying to get everything he feels out. Eta simply accepts this at first but soon is kissing back with equal fervor. They shove at him, fighting back, will not let him have dominance over this kiss, and hell he doesn't care who is in charge, he just wants to touch them. He wants to soothe this need, this need that burns underneath his skin and hasn't gone away for months. He groans as they grab and tug his hair at the nape of his neck. Nothing has ever felt this good. Eta finally pushes him back and he stumbles and looks at them and oh god, their lips are slightly swollen and their face is flushed and _he did that_ , but it's not enough still. He still wants more and he reaches for them but then they say something that stops him in his tracks. 

"York..." They purr, and he cannot look at them suddenly. Because it is York's want that controls him, not his own—this feeling is not his. It can't be his. Or if it is, it's not his alone, and that's not enough. "What is it?" They ask, and when he looks at them, their eyes have shifted greener and he wants to resist but York knows her when he sees her and has to be close. They're pressed against each other again, kissing, his mouth leaves hers and kisses down her neck, along her collarbone, gently near the sling. Every inch of her is perfect and needs to be explored, caressed, worshipped; it doesn't matter now that they're not who they think they are. All that matters is that they're together and his hands slip under their shirt, not needing armor today, and they gasp out, "not here," and he knows they're right. Delta only knows York's need and his need mingled together, and suddenly there is nothing more important than being with Eta. Right this moment. Their eyes are dark and heavy and he knows they are thinking the same thing, so they drag him down the hall and into their quarters with little fuss. 

They think they hear Epsilon screaming in the distance, but everyone is falling apart and in this moment they need to hold themselves together, need to give in, and they can't care less. Eta pushes Delta onto their bed and climbs on top of him, not allowing him even a second to breathe, because they have waited too long for this, York and Carolina, and they will not be delayed. They have been too affected by this, Eta and Delta, and they don't have the strength to fight it anymore. So Carolina claims York, and Delta moans under Eta because he's never done this before and _holy hell_ is it good. He calls out for Carolina and God and Eta, and Eta arches against him and does the same. They shatter against each other and don't know who is who for what feels like ages. Surprisingly, it is Delta who has the strength to stop. 

"Eta," he breathes, and they pull away from him, look at him and know it's Delta, definitely Delta. "What have we done?"

They don't know what to tell him. He wants them to say something that will fix this, fix them, and nothing can. Eta finally says, "we did what we had to do, and hope that it's enough."

Delta doesn't have it in him to tell them nothing will ever be enough. He belongs to them now, York and Carolina or not, and the damn freelancer AIs have ruined him, ruined this; his heart is full and aching and there is nothing he can do. Instead he drops a gentle kiss on their forehead and pulls himself away from them. 

York is broken and crying as Delta takes himself back to his quarters. "She...it was Carolina. I know it was. I know it was her and me, and I'm so sorry, Delta, but it was her and me and I've wanted it for _so long_..."

"It's alright, York."

"I'm using you. We're using you. It's not fair. But I don't have a choice. If I can't be with her, I don't...I don't know what I'm doing."

"I know."

"You love them now, don't you? I've made you love them."

"You've...unlocked a part of me that was locked for a very long time," Delta concedes. "I don't think I would've loved them without you, yet...I can't see anything or anyone else meaning to me what they mean."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm almost happy. But I know I can't be with them. At least you can finally be with Carolina."

York is silent, because he is too happy with Carolina to think of Delta's darkness. But he has broken this man, he knows he has, and it is too painful. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's settled...the AI have to be removed. Where does that leave the freelancers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, people. It's kinda short, and it's...not what you're expecting.

The AI grow too powerful. No agent can go with breakdowns and wrong memories and they can no longer perform in the field. The experiment has become a failure. The Director and Counselor order that the AIs be pulled immediately and destroyed. Some agents run, others do not. Delta and Eta do not run. In the end, all the AIs are collected. 

Delta tries to say goodbye to his friend, but it is too hard for both of them. He promises York that he'll be able to be with Carolina, wherever he's going, and that is what they hold onto. Honestly, Delta is terrified of being without York. Of learning how to live on his own again, with all these feelings that York caused. But York promises him that he will survive it and he won't be alone. He isn't sure. 

When York is taken away, Delta feels so empty, so quiet. The hole in his head is gaping, too large. He doesn't have enough thoughts to fill it. But then a hand rests on his shoulder and he turns to see Eta, the same empty, broken look on their face. Their eyes are blue and only blue now, and he knows it is the most beautiful shade the world could create. 

"It doesn't go away, does it?" They whisper that night, their last night as freelancers, as the two of them sit alone in Delta's quarters. 

"No."

"And yet you haven't touched me the whole time we've been here."

Delta shrugs. 

"You can tell I don't want you to."

He looks at them then, surprised. "No, I... I didn't know."

"Oh," they mutter. "Well."

"Then why did you come here? What did you want to say to me?"

"I still want you," Eta admits. "But I don't think...do you think it's us? Or do you think it's their feelings affecting us?"

Delta does not know. He only knows two things: if he tells them it's York and Carolina, they will leave him, and he cannot bear to lose them. He knows he will continue to want Eta, continue to love them, he believes he always will. But he has no idea what they feel. So he tells the truth.

"I don't know. But I don't think I'd have loved you without him."

Eta is silent, nods, says, "Yeah...me too, unfortunately."

He swallows. "So what do we do?"

"I... nothing. PFL has disbanded. It's a failure. We leave."

"Leave? So you want this to be goodbye?"

They sigh and turn away. "You're right. These feelings are because of them. They're not real. And we won't escape them unless we escape each other." 

Delta is close to screaming. He can feel his heart breaking, and he never knew it could hurt this much. That it really felt like this. Why did love have to be so cruel? Why did the universe have to give him this heaven, only to snatch it away far too soon? "If that's what you want."

They scan his face. "What do _you_ want?"

He cannot help but answer honestly. "You. Always."

Eta shakes their head. "I... you don't mean that."

"I do. With all my heart, I do."

"York loved Carolina. He wanted her, always. It's not you wanting me."

"You don't understand. It is. He showed me what love was and I made it my own. You...what I feel for you is my own. But I can't speak for you. I don't know what you feel. And if you're sure that it isn't you, then...then I guess you should leave me."

Blue eyes bore into him and he does not back down. He stares back into them, the most beautiful things he's ever seen, blue, not green. He doesn't want green he only wants blue, only this blue, these lovely narrow features and this soft blonde hair and this gentle person and all their baggage, medication and instability and all. He only wants them. 

They kiss him then, softly and tenderly, and he melts completely into them. It is just them now, just them this time, not their broken-hearted AIs searching for comfort but them and it is more beautiful than anything he could have dreamed of. They pull back after one kiss, and when he opens his eyes, they look brokenly at his face. 

"We need to go our separate ways," they say, and he swallows the urge to beg them to reconsider, to kiss them again and again and make them understand, to give them his heart wholly and completely. He must reserve something for himself. So he does. He nods, and they stand. 

"Goodbye, Delta."

"Goodbye, Eta." _goodbye, my love._

Maybe they'll meet again, when they understand things better. 

 

York wakes in a storage unit, isolated and trapped, and he wonders just how he might go about escaping when an aqua presence steals his attention. He turns slowly, not quite believing, but there she is, smiling at him. Red hair, green eyes, strong arms, long frame...his heart aches and he all but throws himself into her arms. He cannot see her right side but that doesn't matter. What matters is that he's with her, finally. He has waited so many years to be with her, and she accepts him so easily it brings tears to his eyes. 

"I love you, Carolina," he confesses, unable to keep the words or the tears at bay, and she touches the side of his face, fingers trailing down the old scar.

"I know. I love you too, you shitty lock-pick."

The only thing left to do is kiss her. Which he does, gratefully and gently. He has so much more time with her. The rest of his life, if he's lucky. That's all that matters, that they're finally able to be together now, for as long as they choose. 

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he wonders if Delta is all right. But he is too consumed with Carolina to worry about the cold, cruel world they inhabited as computers. They can finally be themselves again, and he swears he won't take another moment for granted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, initially I just ended it with Eta leaving, but I realized that was too painful even for me, so I added the fluffy Yorkalina bit on the end. Please let me know what you thought of this if you read it all the way through, and if you are reading this, thanks for reading!!


End file.
